Why Me?

I never imagined being a single mom, seeing “Widow” as my marital status, picking out a casket at 39 for my husband to be cremated in, or asking my 6 year old daughter to pick out daddy’s urn.

I became a widow and single mom at 39.

April 24, 2023 was the day my husband died.

There are moments, initiations, and events in life that divide our stories into "before" and "after". The sudden and traumatic death of my husband Andrew in April 2023 was one of those moments.

Everything I knew to be true – gone – I was LOST.

Grief initiated.

I was alone.  A widow. A single mom. Raising a grieving daughter.

There is confusion, disbelief, indescribable heartache, and deep body, mind, and soul pain.

There is anger, fuck you’s, I’m fine’s, and long hours of staring at walls.

Here I offer real stories of my ongoing journey, peer-to-peer support, resources, and community. I want to reach others who are grieving, feel alone in their grief, feel stuck in their grief, or those who have curiosity.

The curious, the open heart and minded, and the out loud grievers are who we need in our death phobic and grief illiterate western culture.

This is a place dedicated to tending the complexity of the natural world — living, growing, loving, grieving, dying, and death — and the deep human need for grief tending.

I choose everyday to live a griefful life. I choose to grief tend. I will forever choose love.

This is not my first death loss. But this is the loss that broke me open, cracked my heart permanently, and in a way that I can only now describe now (almost 3 years later) as demanding me to have a depth of love that surrenders to grief. To have a depth of love that knows Grief is Gratitude. To have a depth of love that knows because I love I grieve.

With Gratitude for your presence here,

Karlyn

Alberta, Canada

Disclaimer: I am not a professional creative writer, I am not a therapist, I am not a medical doctor. I am a beautiful human navigating the living world journey – sharing my experiences.